Taking stock of the good, the bad and the ugly
The biggest movie story of 2005 -- at times it seemed like it was the ONLY movie story of 2005 -- was the Great Box Office Slump.
Nearly every Monday from January through December, there was an avalanche of gloom-and-doom reports about yet another disappointing weekend at the box office. Things sounded so dire, I half-expected to read that all the major studios and the independents were shutting down, and everybody in the business was going to have to find another line of work.
Sean Penn would become a social studies teacher. Jamie Foxx could get a gig playing piano in a Chicago jazz club. Angelina Jolie would become the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. (Or does she already have that job?)
Years from now, we'd be telling the grandkids that Hollywood stopped making movies altogether because of the Great Box Office Slump of 2005. ("And that's why there was never another 'Deuce Bigalow' after 'European Gigolo,' little Timmy.")
Only one problem: the slump wasn't all that much of a slump.
THE TOP 10
1. "Syriana"
2. "The New World"
3. "Crash"
4. "Munich"
5. "Nine Lives"
6. "Capote"
7. "Brokeback Mountain"
8. "A History of Violence"
9. "Walk the Line"
10. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
THE BOTTOM 10
10. "The Legend of Zorro"
9. "Bewitched"
8. "Guess Who"
7. "The Man"
6. "Miss Congeniality 2"
5. "Stealth"
4. "The Longest Yard"
3. "Monster-in-Law"
2. "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo"
1. "The Dukes of Hazzard"
Yes, there was an overall decline in theatrical ticket sales from 2004 to 2005. For the first time since 1990, the total domestic box office take was down.
But that also means the box office had gone UP each year since 1990. If you're a baseball player and you get a hit in 14 straight games, and then you go hitless in game 15, are you in a "slump" or did you just cool off a bit? The box office would have to decline for at least another two years running before we could legitimately call it a slump.
Consider also that 2004 was a unique year in the history of film for one reason: "The Passion of the Christ." Mel Gibson's film took in an astonishing $370 million domestically (and another $241 million internationally) -- and by all accounts, the vast majority of those tickets were sold to people who hadn't been to the cinema in years, if not decades. Those busloads of church folk stayed home in 2005, accounting for a good chunk of the drop.
Subtract "The Passion of the Christ" phenomenon (not to mention "Fahrenheit 9/11") from the equation, and the box office swoon was maybe 2 or 3 percent -- hardly cause for panic. Film remains the dominant art form and the dominant pop culture entertainment choice of our lifetimes.
So enough with the money talk. Let's go to the Roeper Report on the good, the bad and the ugly at the movies in 2005.
***
Here's an idea, we'll end the story with a big game that comes down to the final moment!
Have there ever been so many sports movies in one year?
January: "Coach Carter" (basketball) and "Racing Stripes (horse racing).
April: "The Game of Their Lives" (soccer), "Madison" (speed boat racing), "Fever Pitch" (baseball) and "Down and Derby" (the soapbox derby!).
May: "Kicking & Screaming" (soccer), "The Longest Yard" (football).
June: "Cinderella Man" (boxing), "Herbie: Fully Loaded" (auto racing).
July: "Rebound" (basketball), "The Bad News Bears" (baseball).
August: "Saint Ralph" (long distance running).
October: "Dreamer" (horse racing).
December: "First Descent" (snowboarding) and "The World's Fastest Indian" (motorcyle land-speed racing).
Many of these stories were based on, or inspired by, real events. (I'd like to think "Kicking and Screaming" would be included in that group, but I'm pretty sure that Mike Ditka doesn't live next door to Robert Duvall in the suburbs of Chicago.)
The best of the lot was "Cinderella Man," the most inspirational would be a tie between "Dreamer" and "Saint Ralph," the least believable was "Rebound" --and the dopiest, by far, was "Down and Derby," which was about grown men who are obsessed with racing toy cars.
Go the gay way: A partial list of actors who played gay or bisexual characters in 2005 includes Campbell Scott, Peter Sarsgaard, Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cillian Murphy, Felicity Huffman, half the cast of "Rent," Evan Rachel Wood, Jane Krakowski, Val Kilmer, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bruce Greenwood.
Let's take an old TV series and turn it into a really crappy movie: "The Honeymooners." (Sigh.) "Bewitched." (What were they thinking?) "The Dukes of Hazzard." (Shoot me now.) When are studio executives going to realize that randomly placing an index finger in an old issue of TV Guide does not constitute moviemaking?
Most startling nude scenes of the year:<
5. Alexis Dziena's Lolita enters a room fully nude while talking on the telephone in "Broken Flowers." If they gave an Oscar for Best Deadpan Reaction Shot, Bill Murray would be the hands-down winner for the look on his face when Dziena walks in.
4. Claire Danes in "Shopgirl." It's not so much that she's naked, but that she's naked for the benefit of Steve Martin.
3. Anne Hathaway in "Brokeback Mountain." Much to the delight of Internet fanboys the world over, the fresh-faced innocent from "The Princess Diaries" movies went topless in a makeout scene with Jake Gyllenhaal.
2. Anne Hathaway in "Havoc." She has three nude scenes in this straight-to-video release.
1. Bob Hoskins in "Mrs. Henderson Presents." The British fireplug did the Full Monty, much to the delight of Internet fanboys --well, not really.
Double-feature you're never going to see on an airplane: "Red Eye" and "Flightplan."
Best performances in movies you didn't see:
Radha Mitchell in "Melinda and Melinda."
Naomi Watts in "Ellie Parker."
Anthony LaPaglia in "Winter Solstice."
Robin Wright Penn in "Nine Lives."
Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Happy Endings."
Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."
Courteney Cox in "November"
Amy Adams in "Junebug."
Connie Nielsen in "Brothers."
I'm not going to be IGNORED: Glenn Close turned in magnificent supporting performances in three fine movies that did very little box office: "Heights," "The Chumscrubber" and "Nine Lives." It's a triple feature worthy of your video rental money.
Pay no attention to the man behind the blubber, the beard or the bad teeth: Perhaps taking a cue from actresses who have won Oscars by going plain (Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman), some of Hollywood's most dashing leading men went chubby and/or grubby.
The nominees for Best Performance by an Actor Disguising His Good Looks:
George Clooney in "Syriana."
George Clooney in "Good Night, and Good Luck."
Matt Damon in "The Brothers Grimm."
Johnny Depp in "The Libertine."
Johnny Depp in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
In this case, I really was on the edge of my seat: The most intense scene of the year came in "Crash." A day after molesting Thandie Newton during a traffic stop, racist cop Matt Dillon tries to pull her out of a burning car.
In this case, I really did get goosebumps: The scariest moment of the year -- Jennifer Carpenter's classmate undergoes a sudden and shocking facial transformation in "The Exorcism of Emily Rose."
In this case, I really did laugh so hard I was almost rolling in the aisles: Funniest scene of the year -- Will Ferrell orders Mike Ditka to fetch him a juicebox in "Kicking and Screaming."
It was a great year for:
Terrence Howard ("Crash," "Hustle and Flow," "Get Rich or Die Tryin' ").
Catherine Keener ("Capote," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "The Ballad of Jack & Rose," "The Interpreter").
Rachel McAdams ("The Wedding Crashers," "Red Eye," "The Family Stone").
George Clooney ("Good Night, and Good Luck" and "Syriana").
Oliver Platt ("The Ice Harvest" and "Casanova").
Naomi Watts ("Ellie Parker" and "King Kong" -- not so much for "The Ring Two" and "Stay").
Jake Gyllenhaal ("Proof," "Jarhead" and "Brokeback Mountain").
Zero degrees of separation: Jennifer Aniston split from Brad Pitt, who took up with Angelina Jolie, his co-star in "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," which also featured Vince Vaughn, who befriended Ms. Aniston during the filming of a movie titled "The Break-Up."
You liked 'em, I didn't: "Pride and Prejudice," "Chicken Little," "The Fantastic Four," "The Pacifier," "Monster-in-Law," "Are We There Yet?," "The Dukes of Hazzard," "Robots," "Madagascar," "The Ring Two," "Constantine."
I liked 'em, you didn't: "Derailed," "Lord of War," "Domino," "The Weather Man," "An Unfinished Life," "Proof," "Layer Cake," "Happy Endings."
I'd like to thank nobody, because SOMEBODY should have talked me out of doing this turkey! Here's proof that winning an Academy Award can't protect you from doing bad movies.
Charlize Theron in "Aeon Flux."
Jamie Foxx in "Stealth."
Shirley MacLaine in "Bewitched."
Jennifer Connelly in "Dark Water."
Catherine Zeta-Jones in "The Legend of Zorro."
Adrien Brody in "The Jacket."
Jane Fonda in "Monster-in-Law."
LEAST BELIEVABLE PERFORMANCES OF THE YEAR
Martin Lawrence as a college basketball coach in "Rebound."
Jessica Biehl as a top naval officer and pilot in "Stealth."
Adam Sandler as a former pro football player in "The Longest Yard."
Heather Locklear as a desperate single mom who can't find a decent guy in "The Perfect Man."
Lindsay Lohan as a racecar driver in "Herbie: Fully Loaded."
Penelope Cruz as a doctor in "Sahara."
THAT'S A WRAP, REYNOLDS
Burt Reynolds looked like the Madame Tussaud version of himself in "The Longest Yard" (the dreadful remake of one of Reynolds' best movies) and in "The Dukes of Hazzard" (left). In the meantime, the Chevy Chase-like Ryan Reynolds (above, no relation) starred in two of the deadliest comedies of the year, "Waiting" and "Just Friends."
SIX DEGREES OF DAKOTA FANNING
In 2005 alone, Dakota Fanning shared screen time with Robert De Niro in "Hide and Seek," Kurt Russell in "Dreamer," Glenn Close in "Nine Lives" and Tom Cruise in "War of the Worlds." She has previously worked with Sean Penn, Lynn Redgrave, Denzel Washington, Alec Baldwin, Mike Myers, Brittany Murphy and many others. This kid is 11 years old. By the time she's 21, she'll have worked with every star in the universe.
BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
Nearly every Monday from January through December, there was an avalanche of gloom-and-doom reports about yet another disappointing weekend at the box office. Things sounded so dire, I half-expected to read that all the major studios and the independents were shutting down, and everybody in the business was going to have to find another line of work.
Sean Penn would become a social studies teacher. Jamie Foxx could get a gig playing piano in a Chicago jazz club. Angelina Jolie would become the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. (Or does she already have that job?)
Years from now, we'd be telling the grandkids that Hollywood stopped making movies altogether because of the Great Box Office Slump of 2005. ("And that's why there was never another 'Deuce Bigalow' after 'European Gigolo,' little Timmy.")
Only one problem: the slump wasn't all that much of a slump.
THE TOP 10
1. "Syriana"
2. "The New World"
3. "Crash"
4. "Munich"
5. "Nine Lives"
6. "Capote"
7. "Brokeback Mountain"
8. "A History of Violence"
9. "Walk the Line"
10. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
THE BOTTOM 10
10. "The Legend of Zorro"
9. "Bewitched"
8. "Guess Who"
7. "The Man"
6. "Miss Congeniality 2"
5. "Stealth"
4. "The Longest Yard"
3. "Monster-in-Law"
2. "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo"
1. "The Dukes of Hazzard"
Yes, there was an overall decline in theatrical ticket sales from 2004 to 2005. For the first time since 1990, the total domestic box office take was down.
But that also means the box office had gone UP each year since 1990. If you're a baseball player and you get a hit in 14 straight games, and then you go hitless in game 15, are you in a "slump" or did you just cool off a bit? The box office would have to decline for at least another two years running before we could legitimately call it a slump.
Consider also that 2004 was a unique year in the history of film for one reason: "The Passion of the Christ." Mel Gibson's film took in an astonishing $370 million domestically (and another $241 million internationally) -- and by all accounts, the vast majority of those tickets were sold to people who hadn't been to the cinema in years, if not decades. Those busloads of church folk stayed home in 2005, accounting for a good chunk of the drop.
Subtract "The Passion of the Christ" phenomenon (not to mention "Fahrenheit 9/11") from the equation, and the box office swoon was maybe 2 or 3 percent -- hardly cause for panic. Film remains the dominant art form and the dominant pop culture entertainment choice of our lifetimes.
So enough with the money talk. Let's go to the Roeper Report on the good, the bad and the ugly at the movies in 2005.
***
Here's an idea, we'll end the story with a big game that comes down to the final moment!
Have there ever been so many sports movies in one year?
January: "Coach Carter" (basketball) and "Racing Stripes (horse racing).
April: "The Game of Their Lives" (soccer), "Madison" (speed boat racing), "Fever Pitch" (baseball) and "Down and Derby" (the soapbox derby!).
May: "Kicking & Screaming" (soccer), "The Longest Yard" (football).
June: "Cinderella Man" (boxing), "Herbie: Fully Loaded" (auto racing).
July: "Rebound" (basketball), "The Bad News Bears" (baseball).
August: "Saint Ralph" (long distance running).
October: "Dreamer" (horse racing).
December: "First Descent" (snowboarding) and "The World's Fastest Indian" (motorcyle land-speed racing).
Many of these stories were based on, or inspired by, real events. (I'd like to think "Kicking and Screaming" would be included in that group, but I'm pretty sure that Mike Ditka doesn't live next door to Robert Duvall in the suburbs of Chicago.)
The best of the lot was "Cinderella Man," the most inspirational would be a tie between "Dreamer" and "Saint Ralph," the least believable was "Rebound" --and the dopiest, by far, was "Down and Derby," which was about grown men who are obsessed with racing toy cars.
Go the gay way: A partial list of actors who played gay or bisexual characters in 2005 includes Campbell Scott, Peter Sarsgaard, Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cillian Murphy, Felicity Huffman, half the cast of "Rent," Evan Rachel Wood, Jane Krakowski, Val Kilmer, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bruce Greenwood.
Let's take an old TV series and turn it into a really crappy movie: "The Honeymooners." (Sigh.) "Bewitched." (What were they thinking?) "The Dukes of Hazzard." (Shoot me now.) When are studio executives going to realize that randomly placing an index finger in an old issue of TV Guide does not constitute moviemaking?
Most startling nude scenes of the year:<
5. Alexis Dziena's Lolita enters a room fully nude while talking on the telephone in "Broken Flowers." If they gave an Oscar for Best Deadpan Reaction Shot, Bill Murray would be the hands-down winner for the look on his face when Dziena walks in.
4. Claire Danes in "Shopgirl." It's not so much that she's naked, but that she's naked for the benefit of Steve Martin.
3. Anne Hathaway in "Brokeback Mountain." Much to the delight of Internet fanboys the world over, the fresh-faced innocent from "The Princess Diaries" movies went topless in a makeout scene with Jake Gyllenhaal.
2. Anne Hathaway in "Havoc." She has three nude scenes in this straight-to-video release.
1. Bob Hoskins in "Mrs. Henderson Presents." The British fireplug did the Full Monty, much to the delight of Internet fanboys --well, not really.
Double-feature you're never going to see on an airplane: "Red Eye" and "Flightplan."
Best performances in movies you didn't see:
Radha Mitchell in "Melinda and Melinda."
Naomi Watts in "Ellie Parker."
Anthony LaPaglia in "Winter Solstice."
Robin Wright Penn in "Nine Lives."
Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Happy Endings."
Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."
Courteney Cox in "November"
Amy Adams in "Junebug."
Connie Nielsen in "Brothers."
I'm not going to be IGNORED: Glenn Close turned in magnificent supporting performances in three fine movies that did very little box office: "Heights," "The Chumscrubber" and "Nine Lives." It's a triple feature worthy of your video rental money.
Pay no attention to the man behind the blubber, the beard or the bad teeth: Perhaps taking a cue from actresses who have won Oscars by going plain (Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman), some of Hollywood's most dashing leading men went chubby and/or grubby.
The nominees for Best Performance by an Actor Disguising His Good Looks:
George Clooney in "Syriana."
George Clooney in "Good Night, and Good Luck."
Matt Damon in "The Brothers Grimm."
Johnny Depp in "The Libertine."
Johnny Depp in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
In this case, I really was on the edge of my seat: The most intense scene of the year came in "Crash." A day after molesting Thandie Newton during a traffic stop, racist cop Matt Dillon tries to pull her out of a burning car.
In this case, I really did get goosebumps: The scariest moment of the year -- Jennifer Carpenter's classmate undergoes a sudden and shocking facial transformation in "The Exorcism of Emily Rose."
In this case, I really did laugh so hard I was almost rolling in the aisles: Funniest scene of the year -- Will Ferrell orders Mike Ditka to fetch him a juicebox in "Kicking and Screaming."
It was a great year for:
Terrence Howard ("Crash," "Hustle and Flow," "Get Rich or Die Tryin' ").
Catherine Keener ("Capote," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "The Ballad of Jack & Rose," "The Interpreter").
Rachel McAdams ("The Wedding Crashers," "Red Eye," "The Family Stone").
George Clooney ("Good Night, and Good Luck" and "Syriana").
Oliver Platt ("The Ice Harvest" and "Casanova").
Naomi Watts ("Ellie Parker" and "King Kong" -- not so much for "The Ring Two" and "Stay").
Jake Gyllenhaal ("Proof," "Jarhead" and "Brokeback Mountain").
Zero degrees of separation: Jennifer Aniston split from Brad Pitt, who took up with Angelina Jolie, his co-star in "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," which also featured Vince Vaughn, who befriended Ms. Aniston during the filming of a movie titled "The Break-Up."
You liked 'em, I didn't: "Pride and Prejudice," "Chicken Little," "The Fantastic Four," "The Pacifier," "Monster-in-Law," "Are We There Yet?," "The Dukes of Hazzard," "Robots," "Madagascar," "The Ring Two," "Constantine."
I liked 'em, you didn't: "Derailed," "Lord of War," "Domino," "The Weather Man," "An Unfinished Life," "Proof," "Layer Cake," "Happy Endings."
I'd like to thank nobody, because SOMEBODY should have talked me out of doing this turkey! Here's proof that winning an Academy Award can't protect you from doing bad movies.
Charlize Theron in "Aeon Flux."
Jamie Foxx in "Stealth."
Shirley MacLaine in "Bewitched."
Jennifer Connelly in "Dark Water."
Catherine Zeta-Jones in "The Legend of Zorro."
Adrien Brody in "The Jacket."
Jane Fonda in "Monster-in-Law."
LEAST BELIEVABLE PERFORMANCES OF THE YEAR
Martin Lawrence as a college basketball coach in "Rebound."
Jessica Biehl as a top naval officer and pilot in "Stealth."
Adam Sandler as a former pro football player in "The Longest Yard."
Heather Locklear as a desperate single mom who can't find a decent guy in "The Perfect Man."
Lindsay Lohan as a racecar driver in "Herbie: Fully Loaded."
Penelope Cruz as a doctor in "Sahara."
THAT'S A WRAP, REYNOLDS
Burt Reynolds looked like the Madame Tussaud version of himself in "The Longest Yard" (the dreadful remake of one of Reynolds' best movies) and in "The Dukes of Hazzard" (left). In the meantime, the Chevy Chase-like Ryan Reynolds (above, no relation) starred in two of the deadliest comedies of the year, "Waiting" and "Just Friends."
SIX DEGREES OF DAKOTA FANNING
In 2005 alone, Dakota Fanning shared screen time with Robert De Niro in "Hide and Seek," Kurt Russell in "Dreamer," Glenn Close in "Nine Lives" and Tom Cruise in "War of the Worlds." She has previously worked with Sean Penn, Lynn Redgrave, Denzel Washington, Alec Baldwin, Mike Myers, Brittany Murphy and many others. This kid is 11 years old. By the time she's 21, she'll have worked with every star in the universe.
BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
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